"Our resident alien Arv turned us on to this article his friend did about eating pussy. Apparently she’s sick of not getting eaten out and has decided to call a blow job boycott.
Aileen,
The problem with getting eaten out is it’s so personal new dates often don’t want to go that far. I find sucking a dick way less intrusive than having a stranger go down on my piss hole. I’d rather save that for the honeymoon phase. Like, when we’re really digging each other, and he doesn’t care that I do number twos (I know, long ways away).
However, a lot of guys don’t do it because they know they suck at it, and they don’t want to get told to fuck off. Guys, here’s the secret to making us cum.
1- Make sure we want you to eat us out. That means head downstairs slowly, and if you feel any kind of pull up or hesitation come back up. If you know us well you can even ask us something hornly like, “You want me to lick your pussy?” No response means, “No thanks.”
2- Once you get down there start off SUPER SLOW. In fact, don’t even eat the meat. Start by teasing the inner thighs and shit. When you feel some real anticipation maybe then lay your tongue on the whole patch like a blanket.
3- Do not start speedy. I know you want to. I can feel it. But go as slow as you possibly can at the beginning. So slow it’s frustrating. You need to save all your speed demon stuff for the very very end and that means a long, slow climb to the top. Believe me. It pays off in the end because to go fast right out the gate can cost you dozens of minutes of us trying to catch up with you.
Anyway, I think being mad about a lack of pussy eating neglects the part where a lot of us aren’t ready for you to fuck that up – again. Once you’re both finally ready follow these 3 tips, and we’ll make sure your tip leaves fully emptied.
Love,
Donna
Here’s Aileen’s article:
GIVING UP ON GOING DOWN
Remember my earlier post and how I spent the entire day thinking about sex while trying to study? Well it happened again, and this time it started as soon as I got to work. Lana later experienced ovarian blues, and I apologized profusely. But what can I do? It seems now a days, she keeps being part of a bargain she has no gain in. One in which we both don’t win.
You can take this as a rant or whatever, but I’m taking back my gift. My close friends have been right, I am extremely generous and for what? For nothing I tell you. I’m referring to the gift of giving succulent, mind-numbing oral. I know it is a bit skanky on my part, but it’s something I enjoy doing on the right person. It gives me a weird satisfaction of knowing I can make you scream my name and leave you shaken and out of breath. In fact I get so into it turns me on because I’m expecting the same in return. Instead the guy either falls asleep like a baby from exhaustion or wants to have sex. What’s the problem you say? The problem is the fact that in the end I have yet to climax like you motherfucker. And there I am left alone still pining for more sex. The past two years have been like an inescapable nightmare.
At first I thought maybe I just have a hard time getting off, but after countless bathroom conversations with random drunken ladies and reading numerous scholarly articles it seems to be more of a global problem. It seems to me that most guys that don’t know how to get a lady off and don’t bother learning. For starters, foreplay is necessary to get things going because if you look at the facts it generally takes longer for a woman to reach that orgasmic bliss that makes sex worth it. Penetration can only take you so far, and I meant that literally because it takes one person where they want to go and that is the dude. Ladies need that clitoral stimulation, or at least a vibrating cock ring.
What’s more of a global problem is the fact that men are receiving without giving. So I say you join me in this protest and don’t give until you receive! Now these sexual conversations always tend to make an appearance at small gatherings, or are of topic amongst my male peers and it seems they avoid it because they don’t like fish. Seems to me they’ve had a bad experience or have yet to get an acquired taste. Let’s not forget that spunk doesn’t taste like a bowl of cold stone birthday cake concoction either.
I can’t speak on behalf of how other ladies tend to themselves, but I can and will speak for myself. I am low or no maintenance to hang with and expect the same from my friends and crushes, but when it comes to my body I am on top of my game. Brazilian waxes, kiegels, cute underwear, showering, exercise, healthy eating, and doctor visits to give me the satisfaction of knowing I’m clean. True some of these things I picked up from having to dress in front of strangers at runway shows and swimsuit gigs, but it only made me more aware of myself and damn baby I look and smell good! So why would “he” missed out on such an opportunity to make me red. I mean there is a reason why my daily uniform consists of skirts and dresses.
As I wrote this on the train a fellow lady lurker sitting next to me agreed. Sort of creepy, but it proves my point of how we are not receiving equal treatment. For that reason I will no longer use my DSL to head downtown if I don’t get it first. I’m pretty sure I can go a long time with no problems.
Another qualm I do have but I’ll give some slack for are those guys who do go down, and fail so miserably. A for effort, but F for sucking badly. It’s called eating out for a reason, so baby get a lil’ dirty and bon apetit. That’s all I have to say about that.
I don’t want to fall in love with you; I just want some good satisfaction. And then maybe I’ll fall in love with you.
So for those of you guys who want to do something right for the world I urge you all to start practicing, or read up on this. There is so much information you all severely lack, excluding Canada.
If you want us to go down in the darkness of a cheap movie theater, you got to realize that if we proceed to place our bare knees on sticky popcorn littered theater floor we do expect something in return.
And please MAN UP.
“Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha, go downtown, eat it like a vulture”. –Missy Elliot"
