He looks so lovely!

March 31, 2010


Sometimes, I feel like religious people are much more serene/at peace with themselves and the world. Let me rephrase: Sometimes, I feel that people with a strong sense of spirituality are more at peace with themselves and the world.

Up until 2005, I was very religious. I wasn't dragged to church by my parents, but willingly went and loved every moment of it. Looking back, I feel like my life was more peaceful. Everything was like the moment the sunrises and the sky turns from grey to orange--quiet and calm. You know that smell in the morning? The quiet smell. The morning-dew smell. The new-air-people-have-yet-to-breath smell. That's what I feel like my life was.

Or maybe it was as easy as, "I left everything up to God, so I had no worries." I have this heart monitor on because I have been passing out sporadically, but I honestly don't think it's a heart condition. I think it's stress. Obviously, I'm older and actually have things to worry about.. but would I be this stressed out if I had a constant to rely on? Someone I could talk to in my head. I have great family and a sprinkling of friends I can count on, but what about someone that never judges me and is always there for me? Where is my peace?

Why did I leave my church? I ask myself that all the time. I think it was a combination of my life falling to pieces and me feeling like God wasn't there to pick shit up and tape it back together. So many things were going on and The Big Guy was letting me down. That's the moment you're "supposed to be" even stronger in your faith, that's the moment you're supposed to say, "Shit, he's probably busy. Don't be so selfish. Suck it up and press on." Instead, I left.

I spend most of my free time at church, whether it was Bible study on Wednesday and Fridays or band practice Friday-Sunday.. or even just hanging out there because most of my friends went to my church.. I left it all. What does that say about me?

I try and go back when I'm home, but I feel like people look at me as this gigantic failure. Especially when my old pastor looks at me. I'm almost embarrassed to even be seen by him. He has known me in my worst moments, in my sweatiest (haha), in my most vulnerable.

I don't live an outlandish life. I don't party hardy and I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I don't have promiscuous sex. I have the utmost respect for life and my family and this world. I love life and people and living. I'm good to people and people are good to me. I work hard..

The list can go on and on.

When I'm home, my Uncle tries to come over at least once to pray for me. He and I sit in my living room. He holds my hand and he prays. He prays for whatever is going on in my life, but he never fails to mention how he hopes for me to "return to You" the way I used to be. When I was younger.

I think more than falling back in love with God, I just want to be at peace in my own life. I may seem all calm and composed all the time, but sometimes I'm freaking out.

Maybe I just need to hit the gym. Now that I have the O.K. from the Doc, I can burn off my stress.

Dries Van Noten FW 1997

Obama's sig

Pretty sweet.

Christian can dance

Click here to watch the full video.

Sixteen Candles

March 30, 2010


I'm hoping for Yay.

Hello Kitty


In case you didn't know, there's a $10 billion dollar structure in Geneva called a Large Hadron Collider. I don't know how it works, but the gist is that it collides subatomic particles to make them even smaller, and it succeeded this morning at three times the highest energy levels previously recorded.

What's the point of the LHC? To uncover the mysteries behind the universe. WhoOaAaa~ i.e. The Big Bang Theory. And then, there's the Higgs particle which is just a theory that is supposed to appear using the LHC, which basically is supposed to explain Mass in the universe.

Do you know HOW much money is put into this thing? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure a $9 billion dollar project to build a larger LHC was just set aside. That's $9 billion dollars flushed.

I think it's cool (slash scary) that scientists and technology are pushing forward. We all know our President is all for technological advances and sees it a priority, but if I was the ruler of the world, I would put all technological funding on hold and make sure third world countries are brought up to speed.. AKA maybe have running water and bathroom systems. You know, things We take for granted everyday.

Anyways, Large Hadron Collider woop-di-do's here.

Get your upside crosses at Alex & Chloe

Alex & Chloe dot com, among other amazing pieces.

Natalia for Vogue Paris

Shot by Mert & Marcus

Beautiful Lady

March 29, 2010

Chloe for Harper's Russia

Isn't the Alice thing getting a little redundant now? Shot by Pavel Havlicek.

Art History 101

How many paintings can you name? PS Cute video.

Container homes

March 26, 2010

Recycling shipping containers for homes. Who woulda thunk it.

I'm big on stamps

I love when I get letters and cards in the mail, so I'm always sending out snail mail to friends and family. These stamps are only going to make sending mail out better!


Earth Hour

March 25, 2010


For Momma's birthday

I made a tower of red velvet cupcakes and topped it off with some Tiffany's.

Real men wear skirts

Photos by Scott Schuman

Maybe he isn't so bad afterall

Only lunch in Southern California can be this beautiful


March 24, 2010

A couple days ago, Gaia and I were talking about how we are the ever-giving creatures, to the point of our own destruction. I exaggerate when I say "destruction", but he said he'll skip class to help someone shoot something, or go here and help someone with that.. etc, any kind gesture, even if it means skipping out on ones own obligations. And sometimes, it's tiresome/we get our feelings hurt when the gesture isn't returned. I don't think either of are asking for favors or expecting favors when we help someone out, but it does not go unnoticed when kindness isn't returned.

I told him that to be this kind of person means to understand that not everyone is this way, nor do people know how to act this way. "This way" meaning an ever-giving person. I can remember writing about this sort of instance years ago, saying how my Dad thought that I should stop giving so much. Be selfish every once in a while, or Be more selfish, because in the end, you're the one that's going to get hurt. But I don't look at other peoples selfishness, my selflessness, as a detriment to me, but more the difference between you and I.

It sounds like I'm am putting on a holier-than-thou attitude and that's not it at all. I just think to "kill 'em with kindness" means to also tolerate most peoples unkindness, rather than being hurt by it.

When did Jackie get so freakin' sexy?!

Mikey REALLY doesn't find Mila Kunis attractive. He says That 70's Show ruined it for him forever.

Mila Kunis for GQ

A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie of the Past 3 Decades

I thought it was funny.. but I guess it only makes sense if you follow popular film?


I went to California for two things: To see my family, and to get my heart tested. I got a stress echo, which means I get an ultrasound of my heart while I'm at rest, then I run on a treadmill 'til I'm about to die and lie down on a bed while I get another ultrasound. Basically, to see if there are any differences in my heart when I do any physical activity.

The verdict: My heart is structurally healthy and I am pretty darn healthy. What else is new? The doctor's keep saying I'm perfectly healthy but there is definitely something going on. So now I need to wear this:

A holter monitor or an ambulatory electrocardiography device. Mine is not as complicated as this guy's (though I might be just as hairy), but nevertheless, I have to wear this 24/7 for four weeks. I will post pictures of what mine looks like and what the gadgets look like that are connected to it next week or something.

Natalie is really excited about me wearing a holter, mostly because of this Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. I plan on pulling many stunts like this one.

More pictures from the Farmer's Market

Chill out

March 23, 2010

People that untag themselves in photos need to chill out. Whether it's of you struggling to keep yourself up and looking ridiculous from the night before or embarassing elementary school pictures of you, no one cares that much about you and neither should you.

If you don't want the photos from you being completely wasted the night before to go up, then don't get so sloppy. And if they go up, own it. You did that shit. Who're you trying to impress? The guy you made-out with that night? Because I think he got a first-hand look.

I put a bunch of throwback pictures up of people from junior high and high school and SO many people untagged themselves. The point was for people who just met you in college to see younger pictures of you. Personally, I thought it'd be cute and funny (not in a malicious way at all) but apparently everyone got extra sensitive and insecure. I guess people don't want a trip down memory lane or are embarassed of that trip? It's so cowardly and that is taking life a little too seriously.

I don't know, maybe I don't "get" Facebook and untagging yourself is protocol.


Life is food

Torrance Farmer's Market means food from my childhood.




And I ate alllll of it.


March 22, 2010


Marcel Germain

Nikki Balls on The Dude

Nikki's MySpace

Fajita lunch

The Dude is lucky I can whip up lunches like this.

Marion for Forehead Tittaes

March 12, 2010


There's something SO incredibly wonderful about her.

Bunny portraits

These portraits are adorable as hell but confuse the heck out of me. I don't know what's going on in the bunny's face..

Photos by Jessica Lam at Studio Lapin.

Anna Della Russo

March 10, 2010

Don't go too deep with it baby

That's what she said.


The Dude says this has to go on my cafe menu

Black bean burger and potato salad that "tastes like beef jerky". It was pretty good. Protein!


March 09, 2010