March 13, 2009

I agreed to accompany him to see a girl. We were sitting in a limousine with one of her friends and the girl was somewhere else. The whole time he's just talking about this girl. "There's something about her. She and I have a connection like no other." He goes on and on about her while I'm sitting there, listening to this. The friend tells us that the girl is in a car across the lot. He looks out the window, staring into the car. "She's looking at me, I can feel it." I walked out of the car in a fury, so angry at him, at her. He followed me, not understand why I'm upset, and I start to hit him. I hit him for hurting me for so long, for making this girl an issue to begin with. Then I wake up.

I couldn't go back to sleep for about an hour. I hate this girl so much.

- - -

Andrew Laumann attempted to kill himself, but failed. The following day, a bunch of my friends were hanging out at a Build-A-Bear type toy store with floors and floors of toys. My brother was also there. Rumors are flying everywhere that Andrew killed himself, again. It was supposed to be sort of humorous. Everyone kept saying, "Andrew killed himself!.. again!" Then I heard that my brother killed himself, and I lost my mind. I cried and cried and cried. A few hours went by, and I realized I forgot to call my parents and tell them that my brother committed suicide. I rush to call my dad, he picks up and asks, "Where have you been?"

I've had two dreams that my brother had been murdered. This was the first time he's ever killed himself. The previous times I've woken up crying out of control. This time, I didn't cry at all. Perhaps it was because I had cried a few hours before from my previous dream.

Last night was a terrible night of sleep with terrible thoughts.